I've lost my lights.

ifyouonlyknew04 @ 2005-08-17T17:48:00

2005-08-17T21:49:22Z

Well, whats new? School going pretty ok, i find myself doing miraculously better then i would have imagined, im accually paying attention, and trying to stay focussed. I need to do this for myself. Im liking pretty much all of my classes, chemistry is boring, but ill get over it, and my history teacher is a little bit too much for that early in the morning. Groppes class is great and the day goes by pretty quick all in all.

Im content with things right now. Dance is gonna be picking up this week, hopefully the stress doesnt come with it, but i know it will.

Saturday belated birthday breakfast with johnathon, dance, nutcracker meeting. Sunday, who knows yet? Hopefully something good. Im looking forward to a lot of things this school year, and the cold weather is not coming fast enough. I dont think i can take much more of this disgusting humidity. Uhm, what else? I know theres a lot more, but i cant think, maybe later. But yeah, later.

Do it.

2005-07-30T22:54:25Z

reply with your name and i will write something i like about you.
i will then tell what song reminds me of you.
i will tell you something only the two of us will understand.
i will try to name a single word that best describes you.
i'll tell you the most memorable moment i've had with you.
i will tell you what color you remind me of.
put this in your journal.

ifyouonlyknew04 @ 2005-07-06T02:37:00

2005-07-06T06:40:21Z

Im leaving tomarrow for tremaine. I absolutely can not wait. Misha. Uhh. Im accually really nervous. I dont know why, i feel as if everythings going to be hectic, hmm, we'll see. Ill be gone till tuesday, feel free to call me if you'd like. 243-7318. Im sure you all know it anyways. When I return I would like very much to hang out with some of you beautiful people, seeing as im off groundation.

Im so excited I can't think of things to write. Oh well. I'll be back tuesday, untill then, bye loves.

Uh.

2005-06-29T15:05:12Z

Well.

Dance has been really busy, every single night, glorias getting more strung out and everyones trying not to get on her bad side. Uh. I can not wait untill Tremaine. But its gonna be sad when its over. But then 4 days after that is dance on the beach, so ill be staying busy.

Today i'm going to the movies with my stepdad, brother, sister, uncle and cousins. Wow. This should be a whole lot o' fun.

Dance at 4:30 for duet rehersal and then 5 for solo.

My moms been sick almost every day since shes gotten pregnant. She had to go to the hospital for 3 days because she was dehydrated from throwing up so much. Now she just lays in bed all day. Its really bringing the family down. I wish that she was 8 months pregnant and she could just have thing thing.

Other then that theres not really that much going on, I get off groundation soon which is a big plus so expect some calls to be made.

Well im off to the theatre, Later loves.

Well then.

2005-06-21T06:25:29Z

Alright, haven't updated in quite some time. Well........

Recital was saturday, that went unthinkably well, and for the most part I had a lot of fun. Oh wait, my father who i had'nt seen for 2 years showed up, so that was a surprise, but other then that it was a pleasant day. Afterwords went to eat. Irene, tree, jonathon, katie, and noel were all there. Mhmm. That was fun.

For those of you who do not know, my mother is pregnant. Oh yes. I can't say i was particularly overjoyed, but ive become accustomed to her nightly ritual of over exaggerated "nausea" and stomach pains. Eh.

For the next two weeks before tremaine nationals (Where, if i might add, I get to see my un-informed soul-mate) I have dance every single day basically. Besides sundays and 1 friday. Uh. But my days are pretty much free, seeing as dance doesnt start until about 4:30 or 5 and on late days 7. BUT, i spend my days sitting at home, sleeping most of the time away, since i am grounded until july 1st on account of my horribly disappointing report card. 10 more days. Heh. After tremaine which ends on the 11th of july, I am out of dance until the middle/end of august. Hello break. So when july comes around give me a ring, because there's nothing id rather do more with these beautiful humid days.

When school starts again, i think it will be better. I have a different outlook on quite a few things, and i also have to stay focused with my schoolwork or goodbye to dance. Mmhm.

This summer doesnt feel normal, actually the complete opposite, but i dont think its a bad thing.

The lifetime movie "cyber seduction" starring jeremy sumpter was on tonight. And i must say the plot and structure of the movie was absolutely horrid, but, who couldn't love jeremy sumpter? WOW.

I, on average, don't get to sleep until about 4 every night so ill probably be up somewhat late tonight, hope you all are having fantastic summers. Love and miss you.

ifyouonlyknew04 @ 2005-06-21T01:44:00

2005-06-21T05:57:15Z

1-I'm a girl
2-I'm a boy
3-I like rain
4-I am a good dancer
5-I wear tank tops
6-I like thongs
7-I watch cartoons
8-I've watched Nick Jr. well into my teens
9-I spend too much time online
10-I have a collection of something
11-I have too many clothes
12-I can't control myself
13-I have been in love
14-I prefer construction paper over regular printer paper
15-I have a coloring book
16-I've been in a different country other than my own
17-I pretend to know things I don't
18-I am often sick
19-I complain too much
20-My life isn't as bad as I like to say it is
21-Someone likes me
22-I wish I weren't so stupid
23-I think I need to talk to someone about my problems
24-I don't treat my friends as well as I should
25-I have skipped school before
26-I can stand on my toes
27-I can do the full macarena
28-Tongue-twisters are easy to say                                                                                     29-I listen to 80s music
30-I have too many secrets to count
31-I try to be as honest with people as much as possible
32-I'd be better off without my parent(s)
33-I have more than one life-changing regret
34-I want to live to be over 100
35-I like to party hard
36-I listen to heavy metal
37-I sometimes stereotype people even though I say I hate labels(who doesn't?)
38-I'm artsy and 100% original
39-My nose is stuffy right now
40-I wish the weather would be warmer
41-I've froliced on a beach
42-I once updated my journal more than 5 times in a day
43-I have more than one messaging program
44-I think South Park is the best show ever
45-I love Johnny Depp
46-If I see a penny, I always pick it up
47-I watch Disney movies regularly
48-Peter Pan has the right idea
49-I have a special cup that nobody can use but me
50-I'm territorial
51-Even if I believe in non violence, I will fight for what I believe in
52-I have a new computer
53-My boy/girlfriend doesn't treat me as well as they should
54-I try to be a good person to everyone
55-I am rude
56-I snore and/or sleep talk
57-I over-eat when I am too stressed out
58-I take a lot of pics of myself then delete them because I think I'm ugly
59-I have a bad self-image                                                                                                  60-I think I'm fat
61-I'm waiting for someone to get online right now
62-I want to paint my room a different color
63-I have an interest in designing things
64-I'm a follower, not a leader
65-I watch Comedy Central like there's no tomorrow
66-I am in love right now
67-I underestimate what my parents probably know about me
68-I take people for granted
69-I listen to music all the time
70-I'm a huge nerd
71-I know the real definition to the word 'dork'
72-I'm not as charitable as I could & should be
73-I change or update my profile(s) regularly
74-I am a member to 5+ web-sites
75-I like to play neopets dailY
76-I know someone that needs help, but I don't try to help them
77-I've dipped my head under water to hold my breath to see what 'drowning' feels like
78-I have a step-family
79-I've thought about dying before
80-I didn't have many friends when I was growing up
81-I comment on my friends journals
82-I watch the news
83-I'm into politics
84-I do my homework regularly
85-I have a cell-phone
86-I'm not shy
87-I have three blankets on my bed that are all different colors
88-I think my house/appartment smells weird
89-I am two-faced around certain people
90-I bite my nails
91-I watch Lord of the Rings at least once a week
92-I think some of my friends are total nerds
93-I've attended a Cosplay
94-I have a penpal
95-I think stickers are the coolest
96-I like to correspond with people through actual letters & packages
97-I think hugs are the greatest show of affection
98-I sometimes don't wash my hands after I use the potty
99-I have tried my hand at acting
100-I made a positive difference in someone else's life                                                        101-I'm generous
102-My heart has been broken
103-I have been in a long term relationship
104-My friends barely know how I feel
105-I have a car
106-I've run up a phone bill
107-I watch the Surreal Life
108-I have an optimouse
109-My internet is too slow for my needs
110-I love to eat chocolate
111-My biggest fear is being alone
112-I have a best friend who knows me 100%(maybe aboot 95%)
113-I like the band Coldplay                                                                                              114-I ~~have/~~used to have braces
115-I find everyone attractive in their own way
116-I have been in a long distance relationship
117-I look for the good in people
118-I'm usually fun to be around
119-I cry at least once a week
120-I have stuffed animals
121-I don't have cable
122-I have a pessimistic outlook on life
123-I clean my ears
124-I like to work out
125-I don't like to complain

01. I like the color of healthy grass.
02. Winter sucks.
03. I need a job.
04. I hate stupid bitches.
05. I dance.
06. None of my body is double jointed.
07. I stay up late.
08. Watching young people get physically hurt by accident (ex. tripping, slipping) makes me laugh.
09. I love the beach.
10. I've only had Chinese food twice.
11. Jumping on bubble wrap is a favorite pastime of mine.
12. Harry Potter is excellent.
13. I miss my long hair, even though I seem to look much better without it.
14. I get poison ivy all the time.
15. I sometimes make up ridiculous songs with my friends.
16. I love pajama pants.
17. I am attracted to boys with shaggy or curly hair.
18. I have a tattoo.
19. I hate crying in public.
20. I want to visit Las Vegas.
21. I love music.
22. I could spend the rest of my life reading.
23. Strawberries are awesome.
24. I love Harry Potter.
25. My friends are neat people.
26. I would like to visit New Mexico.
27. Pets rule too.
28. I dislike prejudice.
29. I hate hearing ignorant people talk.
30. The internet clears my boredom sometimes
31. I play lots of video games.
32. I like to read past xanga/lj/od entries.
33. I am quiet sometimes.
34. I love 80's teen movies.
35. I love my friends.
36. 'I Love the 80's' was a very informative show.
37. I think stripes are spiffy.
38. My dad has a secret fan club which consists of most my female friends.
39. I do a lot of surveys.
40. I am strange.
41. Vegetables are gross.
42. I wish people knew just how much they meant to me.
43. Kissing is a very strange (but delightful) concept.
44. Justin Timberlake rools.
45. People should stop saying, "I'll be there" if they know they can't.
46. I hate being sick.
47. I really like chocolate.
48. I like looking at photography.
49. I enjoy watching and listening to lightning storms.
50. I apparently do not get enough sleep.
51. The smell of Subway sandwiches makes me want to vomit.
52. I love clothes.
53. I hated elementary school.
55. I am mature enough to be immature at the right time.
56. TV rots your brain.
57. Valentine's Day is a pointless holiday.
58. Adoption is awesome!
59. I wish I hung out with all my friends, more.
60. Nice people are underappreciated.
61. School is one big joke.
62. I love kisses.
63. Morons are sometimes enteraining.
64. My friends are very interesting.
65. J.Lo is totally hott.
66. Cartoons annoy me, but animated sitcoms are alright sometimes.
67. Comfortable can still look good.
68. My hair is fried.
69. I volunteer at an animal shelter.
70. Tara can't spell.
71. Grilled cheese = best ever.
72. Pirates are sexy for the most part.
73. Cover bands are annoying.
74. I don't like wearing shoes.
75. I never make New Year's resolutions.
76. Chocolates are so yummy.
77. I wish this town didn't suck.
78. My friends say I'm crazy.
79. Sometimes I think it would be fun to be shipwrecked on an island.
80. I space out a lot.
81. I am a big klutz some of the time.
82. Sometimes I wish my brain would just shut up.
83. I wish people would stop saying our generation is "going nowhere."
84. I am a very big procrastinator.
85. I want to live in a big city.
86. I am picky about my hair.
87. I am silly.
88. I gave and received many excellent Christmas presents 89.Small talk bothers me.
90. I own a mood ring that only turns about 3 different colors.
91. I love chapstick.
92. I throw like a girl.

93. My family is EXTREMELY dysfunctional.
94. I hate shopping.
95. I hate art.
96. I was once electrical-taped to a big tree.
97. My skin is really dry in the winter.
98. I am a bit too blunt sometimes.
99. I want to attend college out of state.
100. I love smoking and driving.
101. Don't drink and drive.
102. I don't understand internet communities.
103. I like people for their brains.

Pleaaase go by fast.

2005-05-23T02:56:13Z

Is it summer yet?

ifyouonlyknew04 @ 2005-05-15T21:33:00

2005-05-16T01:34:09Z

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

ifyouonlyknew04 @ 2005-05-07T22:26:00

2005-05-08T02:41:20Z

Yeah i was bored, i took pictures, im vain and gay, im sorry.

ifyouonlyknew04 @ 2005-05-01T18:23:00

2005-05-01T22:27:03Z

Today was my dance banquet, I had a lot of fun, the preformances were great and it was awesome seeing everyone dressed up. Heres some pictures of my dress, etc.

My dress. =)

Group picture.

Uh well im really tired and i still feel gross so im gonna go lay down. Love.

ifyouonlyknew04 @ 2005-04-23T22:55:00

2005-04-24T02:55:39Z

I dont know what to say.

ifyouonlyknew04 @ 2005-04-12T22:02:00

2005-04-13T02:04:22Z

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh?

ifyouonlyknew04 @ 2005-04-10T14:04:00

2005-04-10T18:05:01Z

R.I.P. Brutus. <3

I cant beleve this.

2005-04-09T02:32:13Z

My dog just died about 45 minutes ago. I can't believe this. I ve been crying for the past 2 hours. He got hit by a car. He was fighting the whole way to the hospital, gasping for air, it breaks my heart everytime i think about it. I cant beieve it. Hes dead. Im an emotional wreck. I cant stop crying, he did nothing wrong ever. Some idiot hit him and left. Why? why the hell did he have to die? No matter how hard you pray it doesnt matter? I just dont know. I havnt cried this hard in a long time.

ifyouonlyknew04 @ 2005-04-03T22:27:00

2005-04-04T02:31:38Z

Today was allright. Long, but allright.

I'm not looking forward to tomarrow.

Theres so much fighting going on and i can't take it.

I don't even know what it is im trying to say anymore. When people ask me what I meant by something I wrote just off the top of my head for some odd reason, I never know what to say. It always comes out weird and i dont know how to put things.

Ummmmm, yeah. Ill see you tomarrow. Most of you anyway.

-night.

ifyouonlyknew04 @ 2005-04-02T22:41:00

2005-04-03T03:47:12Z

R.I.P. pope.

Uhhhhh today was um, allright?

Dance was really horrible, really. A lot of time wasted, people yelling for no reason, gay, gay, gay.

Work tomarrow. Blah.

My mother is pissing me off, all she does is yell nowadays.

I need to pick up my pictures tomarrow, i have 3 rolls of film that I have no idea what from.

ummmm. Yeah.

ifyouonlyknew04 @ 2005-04-02T01:36:00

2005-04-02T06:37:05Z

Im bored. =(

ifyouonlyknew04 @ 2005-04-01T19:37:00

2005-04-02T00:53:20Z

UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Hola. How are things?

My geometry grade is suffering.
My mom is thinking about having another fucking kid. FUCK.
Got a superior at states, yeah thats cool.
Nicole (jonathon) and I got first place at competition. Oh yes.
This kid thinks I like him, hes really full of himself and says that my sarcasm is my way of flirting. I dont think so. Goodbye to him.
My dreams always seem so out of reach.
Im beginning to miss some things I took for granted.
I really dont like people some days, but certain people I dont like ever. Ashley knows what im talking about.
I wish I could say exactly what I wanted to everyone, without it coming out wrong.
The prom fashion show was realllllly boring. Really.
Some of the things ive been hearing about people are really gay, I dont understand why people are so cruel to others for no probable reason. Maybe I dont know the complete stories, but im just saying.
Dance is allright I guess. It gets tiring after a full week of it, and some days I dont want to do anything. Im trying to take it one day at a time.

I dont really know what else to say.

-night.

ifyouonlyknew04 @ 2005-03-12T22:39:00

2005-03-13T03:37:53Z

A girl died in 1933 by a homicidal murderer. He buried her in the ground when she was still alive. The murdered chanted, "Toma sota balcu" as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded.

I dont feel like dieing tonight. And with my luck, the only time i dont do this crap will be the time it comes true.

ifyouonlyknew04 @ 2005-03-09T22:34:00

2005-03-10T03:38:24Z

Those I want in a guy
[Bold those that apply] They must be:
Shy
Outward
Sarcastic
Funny
Into my music
Into my movies
Emotional to an extent
Aggressive
Romantic
Crazy
Dirty
Honest
Trustworthy
Outgoing
In a band
Into sports
Athletic
Stereotypical
Smart
Contemplative
Thoughtful
Rich
Poor
Artistic
Focused
Embarassed easily
Affectionate
Geeky
Happy
Optimistic
Pessimistic
Sympathetic
Chubby
Tall
Short
Skinny
A good kisser (it helps)
Sexual to an extent
Obnoxious
A smoker
Good at dancing
Ticklish
Camwhorish
Loud

They must have:
Light eyes
Dark eyes
Light hair
Dark hair
Muscles
No muscles
Pouty lips
A big nose
Curly hair
Straight hair
Tattoos
Piercings
Big hands
Small hands
Style
A posse
A ...car
A house/apartment
Money
Good friends
A nice family
Decent grades
A job
Talent

ifyouonlyknew04 @ 2005-03-07T21:34:00

2005-03-08T02:44:31Z

Stupid read only mode. How gay.

A lot of us had a lunch today, so that was good, but some didnt. Hmm.

Dance was allright tonight, i love feeling like i can do things, like when i have off days, and cant turn and stuff it really sucks, but today went well.

I love it when people post pictures it makes me happy.

Uhhh took the geometry test today, I think i did fairly well.

Tomarrow biology test after school, greeeeeeat.

Um, im gonna go now.

-night

ifyouonlyknew04 @ 2005-03-05T20:23:00

2005-03-06T01:24:32Z

Andy look at you here, you look so young.

ifyouonlyknew04 @ 2005-03-05T16:15:00

2005-03-05T21:16:34Z

Well its my birthday, i dont feel any different.

Thank you those of you who have wished me a happy birthday, i appreciate it.

Happy birthday bethany ann butler! <3

Why does my mom have to be the way she is?

Love you all. Well most of you.

-later

ifyouonlyknew04 @ 2005-03-02T22:33:00

2005-03-03T03:33:32Z

Hey there, long time no see.

My computers being an ass-hole.

Well, fcat went pretty well, easy for the most part and going to all 3 lunches and not having to do any work was definately my kind of day.

Oh ashley, people are so amazing. You know? oh, you know. Whippedxcore, you heard it bitches...and diesel jeans, it'll help everything.

I have two super big tests on friday, lord help me to pass them.

My birthday is saturday, as is Beths.

Theres only a week left in the quarter. Shit.

Nicole and I finsihed our duet, im very happy about that.

Yeah I better be going now, i've jolly 'ol homework to do. Wait. I dont do homework. Thats right. Ha ashley.

-night and love.

ifyouonlyknew04 @ 2005-02-22T18:45:00

2005-02-23T02:52:31Z

Today was a fairly good day. There were a few moments that just made me cheerful, you know, those insignificent times where someone says something that just makes your day, and every time you think about it you smile.

Dyed my hair again over the weekend, it was growing out, im glad to have it back to my "normal" fake red color. Ha.

I like tuesdays, i have a break from dance, i can just be lazy, hang out, not worry about dance related "things" and stressful stuff.

Definately didnt do too good on those geometry quizzes. Blah.

Hmmmmmm.

Some things are so out of reach, but just knowing theres the slitest chance of something happening means the world to me.

Im out.
-night